Turning "What If" into Purpose: Finding the Courage to Live Fully
Lessons in Loss, Love and Resilience
I lived in Italy in college so I am a sucker for movies set in Tuscany and other Italian regions. In the movie Letters to Juliet, there is a letter that captures the human experience with such precision it’s hard to ignore. It says:
> “‘What’ and ‘if’ are two words as non-threatening as words can be. Yet put them together side by side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? I don’t know how your story ended, but if what you felt then was true love, then it’s never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn’t it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart. I don’t know what a love like Juliet’s feels like: a love to leave loved ones for, a love to cross oceans for: yet I’d like to believe if I ever were to feel it, I’d have the courage to seize it. And Claire, if you didn’t, I hope one day that you will.”
These words resonate because we’ve all been there. We’ve all stared at the ceiling at 2:00 AM, playing the “What If” game. Yet when you’ve walked through tragedy, these two words don’t just haunt you; they can paralyze you.
The Loop of “What If”
After a profound loss or a life-altering tragedy, “What if” becomes a loop of regret.
What if I had stayed five minutes longer? What if I had said the thing I was thinking? What if I could have changed the outcome?
We think that by answering these questions, we can somehow find peace. Yet the reality is that “What if” is a ghost. It lives in a timeline that doesn’t exist. It keeps us stuck in the past, trying to fix a version of life that has already been rewritten. Living in that loop doesn’t honor what we lost; it only robs us of what we have left.
Shifting from “What If” to “What Is”
The shift happens when we find the courage to face “What is.” This doesn’t mean the pain goes away. It means we stop fighting the reality of our tragedy and start figuring out how to live with it.
The quote from the movie mentions having the courage to follow your heart. In the context of grief, that courage is the decision to live fully even when your heart is heavy. It is the realization that if the love you felt was true then, it is still true now: and that love can be the fuel for your purpose.
At Arik Housley Speaking, I often talk about how we don’t move “on” from tragedy. I talk about getting stuck in the “Dark Road of Why,” and how people can get stuck in it.
We move forward with our new story. We take the “What if” and we transform it. Instead of “What if things were different?” we ask, “What if I can use this experience to help someone else?”
Finding the Courage to Seize the Moment
The courage Sophie writes about isn’t just for romantic love; it’s for life itself. It’s the courage to seize the moments we still have. Tragedy teaches us: often in the most brutal way: that time is not guaranteed.
When we stop asking “What if” and start asking “What now,” we find purpose. That purpose might be starting a foundation, being more present for your family, simply choosing to find joy in a sunset, or just telling someone you love them.
It is never too late to follow your heart toward a life of meaning. If you are breathing, you have the opportunity to turn your “What if” into a legacy. You only need the courage to seize it.
Don’t let the “What ifs” haunt you into standing still. Choose to live, choose to love, and choose to find purpose in the “What is.”
Check out my podcasts, contact information and other blogs at arikhousley.com. Or you can get a copy of my bestselling book Always November: Lessons in Loss, Love and Resilience.